The Secret Side of Leah
by tutriceange
Summary: The guys in Leah's pack are getting irriated with Leah because of what she is constantly thinking about--things that hurt everyone. But what if Leah wasn't just being mean like they think, what if she was just trying to protect herself. Read and Review!


I've always thought that Leah was just really misunderstood in the Twilight saga--at least in Eclipse. They always talked about what a hard time she was giving everyone by thinking about things she's wasn't really supposed to think about. But I think that she was just misunderstood. Please Read and Review!

**TWILIGHT BELONGS TO STEPHANIE MEYER**

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_God Leah! Quit being such a bitch—there's no need to constantly remind everyone of what happened. Cut it out!_

I phased back into human form after that thought from Seth, my little brother. I walked along the path for a few moments before just sitting down on a rock and placing my head in my hands. I cried softly, letting the feeling of ease wash over me that comes while you cry.

Yeah, I'm Leah. And I am a bitch. I'm a bitch to everyone in my pack. I constantly think about when Sam and I were together. Or I think about what happened that fateful day when…Emily came to Forks.

No, I'm not going to think about that right now.

See, I try to think about that stuff while in my werewolf form, because if I choose to think about it, I can control the way I think about it. I can choose to think about the way Sam was a horrible kisser, or the times Sam made a fool of himself. I can choose to think about the bad parts of our relationship with a mean undertone.

I'm trying to go on and live my life, but it's so damn difficult when everyone is there constantly invading my thoughts. That's why I have to be mean and horrible because if I'm not, I'll think about Sam and get this way and then they'll all see and know. They'll know about the slow, dull ache in my heart that makes me cry and think about all the good times we had.

And about how much I still love him.

That's the worst part. Knowing that I still love him and he has no desire to love me—even if he could.

Now that I'm a werewolf, I understand the whole imprinting thing a little better. It makes it a little easier to know that Sam didn't up and abandon me on purpose. I know that it wasn't his choice; it was just a matter of fate. But that doesn't soothe this ache in my broken heart.

I know that sounds pathetic. I should be over him by now and moving on with my life. But how can I? He was my first love, I gave him everything I had and I know he gave me the same. There's no getting over that feeling. The feeling of loving someone so completely and fully and knowing they love you the same way back.

And I hate seeing him with Emily. I hate seeing all the boys running around with their imprints, their loves, because I know that will never happen for me. I'm different—everyone knows it. I can hear it in their thoughts—the thoughts that aren't telling me to stop or that I'm a bitch.

I'm the first Quilette girl to become a werewolf. Do they know how much of a freak that makes me feel? Even Billy, the leader of the tribe, didn't know what to say to me or about me when he found out.

Part of me wonders if I became a werewolf because I'm more of a boy than a girl. That somehow, I'm really messed up and my body can't figure out what I am—well, the part of my body that controls the werewolf part.

This makes me scared because I don't know if I'll ever imprint on someone because I'm so fucked up. And that scares me more than anything. And it hurts. It hurts even worse than knowing Sam left me for Emily. It hurts because I don't want to be alone forever. I want to find someone who loves me for me and wants to be with me the way I want to be with them—forever.

I picked my head up, out of my heads, and wiped my face of tears. I didn't want to be caught crying in the middle of the forest. No one knows that this is what I do. No one knows that I cry more than I do anything anymore. Everyone just thinks of me as the cruel, heartless bitch.

But I'm really not. I'm just not strong enough to show them how much I'm still hurting and how afraid I am. I'm not strong enough to let them see me in this state. So, because I can't show them, no one knows the real me—the real Leah.

The Leah who still hurts over her first love. Or who is afraid that she'll never find the one for her. Or the girl who still cries for her father. No one sees the vulnerable side of me—I won't let them. Which I know is my own fault—but it's easier to be a bitch, than to be considered vulnerable.

I breathed out a shaky breath. My eyes are swollen and red from crying. I stood up and started walking again—out of the forest. I just want to go home. I want to go home to my room, where I can fully be myself without anyone intruding on me and not making me feel worse. That's all I want. To let my misery and sadness wash over me and cover me like a thick quilt so that hopefully, one day, I'll be okay.

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A/N: So...what did you think? It's just something that I thought of while I was writing another chapter to my other Twilight story "Hidden Feelings." Well, please let me know what you think!! 3


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